The Sillyverse
Assorted junk I've found along the way! (Warning!... it's not all pc)
Superman @ urinal
Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams..."Will you get lost! I'm trying to have a crap!"
When Superman gets old
Michael Jackson is a superhero
Batman can't fly, can't melt things with his eyes, can't outrun a speeding bullet. Basically, all he's got to qualify him as a superhero is a big mansion, a weird costume, and a boy wonder. So really, Michael Jackson is a superhero.
Another day in Superhero City
It was a boring day in Superhero City. Superman was very bored, so he goes up to Spider-Man and says "Hey, Spidey, you want to go to the bar and play pool and have some drinks?". Spider-Man replies "Sorry Superman, I have to fix my webs because if I don't, no one will fight crime". Superman says "Yeah, I guess you are right", and he leaves.
Superman keeps on walking and walking and he sees Batman. He walks up to Batman and says to him "Hey Batman, you want to go to the bar and drink or smoke some blunt or something?" Batman replies "Sorry, Sup, I have to fix my Batmobile or else no one will fight crime". Superman replies "Yeah I guess you are right", and leaves.
Superman then starts flying through Superhero City and he looks through a window and sees Wonderwoman lying on the bed naked. Superman says to himself "Hey, I am as fast as a speeding bullet, so I will fly in there and fuck her so fast she won't even notice". So he does it. BICKETY BAM!!! He is in and out in ten seconds. Suddenly, WonderWoman rolls over and says "Invisible Man, did you hear something?". Invisible Man replies "I don't know but my ass hurts like hell!!"
Heimlich maneuver
Superhero Tips
1. Don't call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
2. Don't call yourself by someone else's real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.
3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
4. Don't be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.
5. But don't labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.
6. Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil
7. Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
8. It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
9. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.
10. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
11. Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady if you're a man -- even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body.
12. Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.
13. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.
Pull my finger
Which superhero travels by public transportation?
Bus Lightyear!
At a bar in Superhero City
Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered. The first guy said, "Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!" Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, "YOU'RE ON!"
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. "WOW," screamed the 2nd guy, "That was incredible. Do it again!" So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. "That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"
"Ok," said the first guy, "But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. "Your turn," he said.
So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. "This is easy. He did it, so can I!" The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer. The bartender remarked, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman!"
Decent Superman
How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes him ten episodes to do it
The Bat-can
How long does it take the Wasp to screw in a light bulb?
That depends on Hank Pym's stamina.
Superbeans
Clark's secret
Superhubby
